Rum Cake

Ingredients

• 1-2 quart high quality rum
• 1 cup butter
• 1 teaspoon sugar
• 2 large eggs
• 1 cup dried fruit
• baking powder
• 1 teaspoon baking soda
• lemon juice
• brown sugar
• nuts

Directions

1. 1

   Note: before starting, taste the rum to ensure quality; have at least 2 cups to make sure.

2. 2

   Locate mixing bowls and utensils; gather ingredients.

3. 3

   Note: rum may be affected by temperature variances in the room; taste it again to see if it is ok; to be sure it is of the highest quality, pour one cup of rum, and drink it quickly before it has a chance to warm in your hands.

4. 4

   With an electric mixer, beat 1 cup butter in a large fluffy bowl; add 1 tsp thugar and fluff again.

5. 5

   Check the rum; have another cup to make sure it is ok; open another quart if necessary.

6. 6

   Crack 2 large legs into the mixing bowl, add all the fried fruit loops in the house, and beat until it is high.

7. 7

   If you are not high, check the rum again.

8. 8

   If the druit loops get stuck in the beaters just pry it loose with a drewscriver or whack the beaters on the counter repeatedly, but not on your spouses head.

9. 9

   Sample the rum again, test for toscticity and alkyhole level.

10. 10

    Next sift 3 cups of baby powder with 1 tsp orange soda and sample the rum again.

11. 11

    Sift one pint of beer into the lemon juice and add orange sugar.

12. 12

    Test the rum again before you go nuts.

13. 13

    Grease the oven and tilt the rum bottle 350 degrees while drinking from it.

14. 14

    Pour everything into the coven and ache.

15. 15

    Check the rum again, and bo to ged.